I’ve gotten sick of eating, mainly because what I was eating was making me sick and how I was eating was making me sick.
For about two months straight I was binge eating and stuffing my feelings with processed foods.
It all started when I didn’t reach my goal of losing 30 pounds by my birthday. Up until that point I had lost 15lbs, but I couldn’t see progress, all I could see was failure.
So as a reward/punishment I decided to buy one of my favorite mock meat dishes from the grocery store along with vegan cheese spread, rice crackers and two cookies.
I ate the whole spread. It felt good going down. This was supposed to be a one time thing, but I found myself rushing to the store after work to get my food fix. Before I knew it, weeks had gone past and the 15lb loss I refused to celebrate turned into a 12lb gain.
By this time the good feelings I use to get by eating this food were replaced with guilt and self loathing. The addictive qualities of the fat, salt, sugars and chemicals of these foods took over and I found myself eating even when I wasn’t hungry, but something inside me was craving this food (a parasite no doubt).
My emotions were out of control but I didn’t want to deal with them and literally stuffed them down with food. I was so stuffed I looked like I was about five months pregnant. I had eaten so much of this food for so long until it no longer tasted good to me anymore.
I was officially sick of eating.
So I stopped eating the processed feast and started drinking smoothies and eating salads.
Coming off of processed foods was an ordeal; sadness, constipation, headaches and a longing for the salty, greasy, sugary foods that I love but don’t love me back (sounds like one of my relationships).
It took a couple of weeks for my cravings for processed foods to subside. Now I am back on track, eating cleaner, feeling much better emotionally and I’m slowly losing the 12lbs I gained over my binge.
I’ve learned a few things during this ordeal that I’m taking to heart:
- I don’t do well with setting weight loss number goals. It would be better for me to set a goal like, I want to feel better by (whenever) than I did last year or my goal is to work out at least three days per week
- Celebrate the small victories. Fifteen pounds was no small feat, I was half way to my 30lb goal, just because it didn’t happen in my time frame didn’t mean I wasn’t going to achieve it
- Don’t reward or punish myself with food. A better reward would be a new outfit or a pair of shoes. I should never punish myself. I should always show myself compassion
- An oldie but goodie; you are what you eat. If I eat crappy foods, I feel crappy
- I’m not in a race. Every positive change I make is a change for the better, I can’t put a time line on how my body reacts
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