It all started with this:
I wrestled with this for a minute and came up with some justifications/excuses:
- The BMI chart isn’t for people like me, it’s for athletes
- I’m not obese, I’m considered “thick “
- The chart doesn’t take into account a person’s ethnicity
- The chart was made by men and they don’t understand women’s bodies
Afterwards I looked at my weight over the years to try and figure out how I got to this point.
I never had weight issues as a child. I was considered “skinny ” growing up. For most of my young adult life my weight stayed between 150-160.
After I had my first child my top weight was 180. After my second child, I got down to 134.
After almost three years in an abusive relationship, I went from 134 to 203.
When I stopped drinking alcohol and got sober, I got up to 220lbs the heaviest I’ve ever been. That was 5 1/2 years ago since then I’ve stayed in the 200-206lb range.
I’m not saying the BMI chart is the holy grail, but I know it’s not entirely wrong.
I’ve adapted to being obese. I know I’m not entirely comfortable in my body (physically), I’ve just gotten used to being this size.
I can hide behind the fact that as a society the weight of the average adult is 50lbs more than it was 10 years ago.
I can use terms like “thick ” and “curvy” to describe my body and ignore the pain in my knees, my hanging stomach, and the burning sensation in my chest after I walk up a flight of stairs.
The BMI chart says I should be 145lbs. To me that seems abnormal and extreme. I’ve been in this 200 plus lb body for years and I’ve gotten used to it, the thought of being that size scares me.
Actually the thought of what I may have to do to get to that size is what really has me rattled.
Chart or no chart, I know that I am not as healthy as I should be, as I want to be. It’s just hard coming to terms with how I got this way.